you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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