It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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