the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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