# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
