Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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