Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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