we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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