Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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