If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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