Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
