I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
