this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
