I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
