not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
