lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
