Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize