How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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