I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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