Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize