I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
