i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
