HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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