Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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