omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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