Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
