I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
