I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
