waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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