the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
