Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
