You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
