Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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