Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize