It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
