if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
