i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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