ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
