I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
the condom got lost in my hair
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
