Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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