so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
