Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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