Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize