I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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