Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
