there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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