White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
