I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
