and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
