The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
