tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
