I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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