Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
