So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Can vaginas get frostbite?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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