did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
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