wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize