Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize