I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
