My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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