Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
