i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
