Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize