I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
