The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Randomize
