this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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