Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
