The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
