OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
