Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
