and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
